I was asked what i wanted my life to look like when i am 67 years old, sitting in my rocking chair, with a cup of tea...what do i want my life to be like?
i know we have been asked these questions for years now. What matters at 80? I honestly hope that i die before i am 80. Is that strange? Life is too much pain to be around for 80 years of it. Besides, i want to get out of here before dimentia sets in. I've decided to think about my little task, but cut it down a few years. I'm going to think more in the the year range. The thought that i will be 34 is kind of frightening. I hope i am not a church mom at that point. Lord, i pray that do not turn into a church mom! So tonight, i decided to really think about it. so i lit a few candles, put mineral into the cd player, pulled out some paper and some crayons, and went wild. I claim that i am going into art, but the skills i displayed this everning show a desperate need for improvement. I am frustrated that i cannot seem to express what i see so clearly in my head. I cannot verbalize it, i cannot scribble it, i cannot dance it, i cannot sing it. I feel the need to get it out, but i don't know how. I guess what it comes down, down, down to is this: at the end of my life, i want to know that i raised some fine children. I want to see my seeds turn into sprouts, and my sprouts turn into trees. I want to know that i served the Lord as best i could, that i loved, that i laughed. What it comes down to is that i hope that i had some kind of influence in the hearts of those around me. That i saw beauty where others could not, and was able to show it to them. I don't want a huge career. I don't want a fancy car, or a cell phone, or even a television. (i do however, want to be secure) I want to be able to bless others. I know that i can do that no matter what my station in life is.
So it's a totally loaded question. I know how i want to see my life. i just haven't been able to articulate it quite yet. I hope that tim is in there...in my future. That would make me very happy indeed. I like that boy oh so very much. Is it normal to think about some one this much?