It must be okay to pray for money. Lord, i want money. Wait, that sounds so bad. But i guess it's true. i do, i need money. i don't need it more than Jesus, but pretty close. i leave it there.

"And the wrens have returned
And they're nesting
In the hollow of that oak
Where his heart once had been"
-Rich mullins
I like that a lot...and that is all i am leaving here today.

Henri Nouwen Quote of the day:
"There are two realities to which you must cling. First, God has promised that you will recieve the love you have been searching for. And second, God is faithful to that promise."
I love the writings and teachings of Henru Nouwen. Sometimes I am convinced that he was put on the this earth strictly for my exclusive benefit. But then I read his books, and I think that everyone has to hear it. There is something here for everyone. In reading Henri Nouwen, I have become increasingly interested in the Catholic faith. Raised in the brethern, we were taught that every other person was wrong in their faith...only the brethern went to heaven. In the evangelical church, we were taught that all other christians were fine and good....just weird. We were taught that faiths such as Catholic, or Anglican were mere "religions" and didn't actually believe in the relationship with Christ. In my reading Nouwen, or Mother Teresa, I can hardly believe that their faiths were nothing more than a bunch of rules and memorized scripture. So I have decided to explore this one myself. I know first hand that religion takes over relationship even in the most charasmatic and evangelical churches. I see it in myself all the time, and it pains me. My greatest horror is becoming a church mom, with a perm, and ladies fellowship luncheons, and eventually living a life that never leaves the church circle. Sometimes i wonder if it's inevitable. A thought that makes me want to lose christianity, and start something new, but maintain the same beliefs. But then, I would get sucked into that as well. This is a bigger subject than i wish to discuss right now. I'm not in rampage mode. When i get in such a mode, we can talk about church.
I talked to tim today. It's still quite strange...the thought that he is my "boyfriend". Talking once a week is kind of strange. We seem to just talk about random things...nothing of too great a consequence. Then, i suppose that is to be expected until we can spend some time together. Man, I am just so anxious to hang out with that guy. I have all the faith in the world in long distance relationships. I do. I just don't like them. I don't like that I am in one, and it is what I wished for, for four years. (go back and read that last sentence out loud...444...that is why I am not an english major.) Sometimes, I just want to bust my chest open so that tim can see my heart right now...right like this, so he can see what he's getting himself into. I'd like him to do the same for me. Right now we are just so polite. Busting out our hearts is just too bloody and messy. At this point, I think we are both trying to keep it nice and clean...to make up for the messiness of the past (minus the blood).
I like that God is really changing my heart. I like that I noticed that I was getting discouraged about a lot of things, and prayed hard that God would take care of that feeling. The old me would have curled up with it, and in a few days, I would be in a pretty big depression. I love that He has opened my eyes to catch these things. As long as I am responsible in my relationship with the Lord, and really ask to see these things...i don't believe that i will ever fall into depression ever again. The feeling of being depression free for over a year is lovely. I know that is wasn't done on my strength. Sure, I had to make some decisions on my own, but for the grace of God, I'd still be in that pit. Which reminds me to pray for Daniel.
So, yeah. That concludes my first entry.