I think that I am ridiculous and proud.
I think I am exactly who I swore I would never be.
I think I am a lot of things I hate.
I am jealous and mean. I am petty and self-ish. I lie and cheat and steal. I think awful thoughts about people I love. I ignore my friends. I ignore God.
I don't want to be all down on myself but last night this all seemed to come to light as I was grumbling in my head about annika. Annika, my closest friend and roommate. Annika is a lovely girl. Yet, I, in pig-headishness created reasons to be hurt by her.
Why can´t I just love? Why am I being sostubborn these days? Why am I creating drama where there isn´t any? What happened to me to make me so hard-hearted? I hate that! I want to be soft. I want to refreshing and nice. I want to be open. I don't want to carry around this suspiciousness. I don't want to be jealous. I don't want to just sit there.
This whole thing is so frustrating.
I wish I could spew out verses. I wish there was something I could do to feel better.
Sheesh, it's amazing that I even have friends.

On the other hand, I came up with a brilliant idea for a book. I am going to attempt it today. Maybe that's what I need. A creative outlet

I totally have a rebound crush on a boy. I don't know his name, but I see him everyday. He seems just lovely. Crushes are ridiculous. Feels too much like high school.